Relationships - Keeping it sweet with EFT
Relationships can be a joy and a source of enormous stress. EFT is a powerful and very effective tool to help you better manage your relationships. I'm not suggesting you can change or manage someone's behaviour by tapping but you can change your response and you'll be amazed by the difference that can make. If you change your energy you'll change how people respond to you.
Let's start with the easy one. Take a moment to think of someone in your life that you have a loving relationship with. One where getting along together is usually easy and pleasant. It doesn't have to be a romantic partner.
How does it make you feel when you think about this person? I don't mean just the words to describe the feelings but also the sensation in your body. Maybe it's a warm feeling in your chest or lightness in your head.
I promise it wont spoil the magic if you focus on it. In fact, taking time in any relationship to focus on the positives can actually help you strengthen and deepen your relationship. Studies of both dating and married couples find that people are more satisfied with — and stay longer in — relationships when they have an idealised or slightly unrealistically positive view of their partner.
Better still, write it down. Yes you can do this in your head but the act of writing adds a clarity that might surprise you!
Now.....Think about someone who you find it hard to get along with. Someone you find irritating and difficult.
Notice what comes up, you might find yourself feeling uncomfortable at the thought of this person even though they're only in your head! Tap as you think about them. Why? Because it might bring up bad feelings and so the tapping will help to balance those feelings. Also tapping calms your body and so you can think more clearly.
How does it make you feel to think about this person? Can you locate the feeling in your body? Can you describe it? Maybe it's a heavy sensation in your chest or tightness in your head.
What's your story with this person? “I don't like their energy..... They ignore me..... They irritate me..... They always criticise..... They make me feel bad.”
What does it mean about them that they treat you this way?
How attached are you to this story?
Does it make you right?
How does it make you feel to react in this way?
How attached are you to this reaction?
Asking these questions and answering them truthfully may be difficult. Now's the time to start tapping. (check out the tapping points)
Even though I feel ???????? about this person I accept this is how I feel and I'm ok.
Even though this person is very ??????? I'm ok.
Whats your motivation?
Look for your reason to improve this relationship.
You have a choice in this. They don't MAKE you feel this way. You CHOOSE to react to them in this way. They're not giving you the feeling and you can choose a different reaction. As you take ownership for your feelings about this person you can also begin to acknowledge your feelings and understand their purpose. Maybe your feelings are just trying to keep you safe.
I had a client who was struggling to work alongside a colleague. This colleague was in a senior position and had upset other staff members, so it wasn't personal, just their personality and management style.
We tapped and my client worked out that he had three choices:-
1. Just keep going until the stress resulted in illness or resigning.
2. Give up and look for another job right now.
3. Look for a new way to react to this colleague. One that didn't drain energy and managed the bad feeling before it got a chance to take over.
My client really enjoyed his job and also wanted to be there to make sure the colleague didn't undermine the good work done so far by the team. So...we tapped and played about with the way the colleague looked and sounded and gave them a silly name like a cartoon character. The next week my client reported that this approach had really taken the edge off. We tapped some more on the way the colleague made him feel and in the end he could see the behaviour of the colleague came from a place of fear, they felt inferior. Now he had a better understanding and could see that it wasn't personal.
What's your end goal?
Once you have built this inner strength the healing work of forgiveness can begin. There's a lot of talk about the power of forgiveness and I have to tell you its all true. Not the “yeah, yeah I forgive you” response but deep forgiveness that allows you to send love and understand another. This doesn't mean you have to become friends or even like the other person but, there's a lot of healing to be found by standing in another's shoes.
If you'd like to learn more about coaching with EFT please click here and book a free, 30 minute 'kick start change' session.
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